A New Me: Looking Back a Year’s Worth of Journaling

Journaling was something I picked up last year as a tool for spiritual growth. I found that because the human memory is so forgetful,  it’s hard to know who you are when you don’t know where you come from. As a matter of fact, a big reason why Israel backslid so much was because they forgot the goodness of the Lord. Their lack of memory then became an impediment for continued faith in God’s provision for them. And for me, in regards to my own walk with Christ, I don’t want to make the same mistake by forgetting how good the Lord is.

And so I wrote. Sometimes daily, sometimes not for weeks. Yet nonetheless, after about a year, I have finished writing in its last page. I look back and recall to mind how amazing Jesus has been. It propels me for further faith and pressing for loving the Lord.

While I cannot share some of my most intimate moments with the Lord I will share some of the amazing things I’ve seen the Lord work in my life!

1. God uses us despite our weaknesses
   Looking back at my journal, I can honestly say that I was not a strong consistent Christian. I failed hundreds and hundreds of times. Every other journal entry is a confession of sin and a prayer of sanctification. Yet despite all these, God used me in ways I could not imagine. I’ve written down about the many people that been blessed by the Lord using me, whether it be speaking the Word, a word of prophecy or encouragement, or worship.

    

   I look back and laugh at the wisdom of God- to use the foolish to shame the wise and to accomplish his great and wonderful purposes. God truly delights in using weak people so that no one can boast!

2. The Lord has been pleased to reveal himself supernaturally
   The last year of my life I’ve had more spiritual dreams than my whole years of faith combined. Some of them have been wildly crazy convicting, a lot of them are about the coming of Christ, some of them are about the new heaven and earth, some of them are about my calling into serving the Lord, some of them are from the devil to distract and tempt me, but either way the overall number of dreams and visions I am receiving from the Lord is crazy.I’ve seen miracles in my course of journaling- elevator doors supernaturally opening, people coming to faith in crazy ways, super-non-coicidental instances where someone received a prophetic Word.The Lord loves to show himself as the God of the impossible. And He has given me grace to see His power at work through and around me life…

    

3. The Lord has been fanning the flame of the gifts of the Spirit Himself
   It has been unbelievable process of seeing the gifts of the Spirit being fanned by the Lord in my life. I’ve seen myself grow as a preacher and exhorter of the Word, as a worship leader, and as a shepherd.I’ve learned so much about preaching. The Spirit has told me things He delights in and the things he hates about preaching. He has told he hates shows, he hates theatrics, empty-emotionalism, he hates double-minded lives, and hypocritical lives (all of which I’ve done…). But He loves authentic, gut-wrenching, authoritative, Christ-exalting, Bible-honoring, truth revealing, kingdom of Satan destroying, people-loving kind of preaching (all of which I’m continually learning to do).

    

   He has taught me how to lead worship better and better. He is constantly teaching me that in order to be a worship leader, I must be a worshipper. I must be someone whom the Father seeks and finds. And through that, lead people into His presence. Often, the Lord gives me songs to sing for certain places. I will sometimes be rolling in my bed at 2 a.m. because Jesus was showing me songs to sing, how to sing them, when to sing them, what to say before/after them. It’s been completely phenomenal to see how the Lord is totally the One leading worship.

    

4. The Lord has tenderized my heart for Him
   I can honestly say that the greatest thing I’ve seen the Lord do in me is tenderize my heart for Jesus… I love Him so much more now than when I first started. My prayers have become more intimate and closer to Jesus. I laugh with Jesus, he jokes with me, he showers his love on me, I tell him what I think of him, he tells me what he thinks of me, we pray for people, we pray for places, I pray for His return… oh man!

    

   Jesus is my greatest passion! And it is deeply rooted in His passion for me!

   I rejoice at seeing the Lord accomplish my constant prayers of wanting to obey the greatest commandment, which is to love Him. I thank Him for His grace which allows me to do so.

    

Looking back at the road so far, I see His lead of love in my life. I hope these thoughts have encouraged you to press on to know Him. For truly, He is the greatest taste, the richest of fares, my great reward, my portion forever and ever.