On a very early flight back home, all I wanted to do was sleep.

It seemed like everyone else on the plane had that intention as well. Unfortunately directly to my right was a row of girls that were intent on having a good time…the whole plane ride.

Loud and boisterous, rocking their Starbucks drinks in hand, they seemed completely unaware of their surroundings and continued to chat and joke away loudly. TV shows, guys, purses-their conversations were unwittingly broadcasted for all the weary around them to hear.

Being sleep-deprived and groggy, and tired of seeing these types of people doing this, resentment started to build in my heart and I began constructing my text message of complaint to my wife that went something like this…

“There are a group of dumb privileged blondes with their Starbucks yapping up a storm. I just want to sleep…”

Before I sent that text I thought about what I was saying. Some vague scripture passages about love began floating in my mind as I thought about what I was about to say about these people.

I ended up deleting the text as I thought about the implications of the contents of my text. I commented about their looks, stereotyped their intelligence, and did it with a hateful spirit, hoping to rouse my wife to such judgmental bigotry.

And…that is who I am.

I feel like to my friends and in public I’ve been a frequent critic of Donald Trump and all that he represents. He’s a bigot, a liar, and he insults people left and right under the flag of white nationalism.

Yet for all my criticism, in this moment on the plane, I painfully realized that I was no different than this man I hated, criticized, and made an example of as a person of hate to anyone that can hear. That the hate in his heart was also present in mine. 

I am Donald Trump.

And while it pains me to say that, it is good to be reminded that it is always easier to point out the speck in someone else’s eye and neglect the plank coming out of my own.

While this revelation doesn’t change my understanding of this man’s actions and speech as wrong and hateful, it is humbling to realize that the hatred that plagues our society is present in me as well.

And for all my shouting against injustice and the need for love, it needs still to be birthed in me first. And for that I need forgiveness, help, and courage to love others as I seek to be loved.