Dark Light

I was having a casual conversation with a friend and we were talking about my plans to go to seminary next fall. I told him I wanted to go to this well-established seminary and in return he asked me “whether or not I wanted to be a big shot.” I told him no.

I lied.

Behind my answer was self-deceit and self-delusion. The “no” came from ‘knowing what to say’ but not from the place of belief and conviction. You know, the same place where only God sees and weighs. I was “pharisaical” to say the least.

And so I realize today that there is, still in my heart, a web of lies taught by the world that I’m desperately trying to rid myself of. This despicable need to be great in the eyes of men, this basing of my self-worth on my gifts and abilities, and my continual resistance to desire that which Christ most desires of me- true humility.

The first will be last and the last will be first. The greatest shall be the least and the least shall be the greatest. Pridefulness is foolishness and humility is greatness. These are the rules of the Kingdom.

God help me to both desire it continually and to obtain it abundantly…

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